Learning To Breathe Again
by BomberBrat
Summary: It's been two weeks since the love of Deidara's life, Sasori was killed on a mission, and leader-sama is already replacing him! Can Deidara learn to accept Tobi as his new partner? Will the masked man teach the artist to love again? TobiDei/MadaDei
1. What happens when you disappear

**Disclaimer:** I Do NOT own Naruto, I do NOT own Deidara, Sasori, or Tobi.

**Warning!: **This story contains YAOI/Shounen-Ai If that offends you don't read it. WARNING! this chapter contains mass amounts of angst and RAPE if that offends you use the back button now!

**AN:** So I know this is going to be weird and kinda shocking, but while this story has flashbacks, it isn't SasoDei! I have no clue why I decided to write this, mostly I think anyways because my Tobi (Tiki-sama) is really into TobiDei right now, and is pulling me back into the disease, I thought I was cured man! so yeah, this fic will contain, mentions of SasoDei and a lot of TobiDei and MadaDei. I know Tobi isn't really obito, but for the sake of my gag reflex i made him look less creepy.

This is a present (Of sorts) For my Tobi, I wuv you sugar!

**Learning to breathe again**

Chapter 1- What happens when you Disappear 

It had only been two weeks.  
Two weeks and the all the assholes in this place expected him to be over it already, to have moved on, and forgotten. Was everyone in this organization so heartless that they could forget someone they loved without even a second thought?  
Let go of everything that reminded them of that person, forget that they existed?

He couldn't do that, he couldn't just let go and accept that they were paring him up with someone else, someone useless and irritating at that. Why couldn't the rest of these mother fuckers just let him mourn in peace, the way he wanted to. Who the hell did they think they were trying to control his life?

If he wanted to cry, to scream and to break down after hearing that the love of his life was dead, who were they to call him weak and pathetic. Love isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of humanity, apparently no one else had any. Real friends would have just left him alone, and let him work it out. He scoffed at the thought...friends, he didn't have friends, all these morons were simply work associates, nothing more they didn't care what happened to him, why should he care about them. Why should he care about anyone now that his Danna was gone, it seemed pointless, and exhausting to try.

Today had been the first day in these two weeks that he had left his room, not that he had wanted to, but when Leader sends Kisame to drag your sorry ass out of bed that's exactly what happens. Even if it had to be kicking and screaming.

Kisame came to an abrupt stop as he reached the leaders chambers, opening the door and practically throwing the blond artist inside.

"Nice to see you, Deidara, you look well"

Deidara scoffed at Pein's sarcastic words, he wasn't stupid, he knew he looked like shit.

"The fuck do you want Pein, un. Make it quick"

Pein's eyes narrowed dangerously at the artists defiant tone, reaching his hand out quickly, he grabbed the blond by his injured shoulder, digging his fingers down into the newly sewn up wound roughly.

"You should know better then to speak to me like that, Deidara"

Deidara winced, whimpering softly

"Gomennasai, Leader-sama" he said bowing his head and avoiding the redheaded mans eyes

Pein smirked at how easily the blond became subservient.

"I called you in here today to inform you that you have a mission coming up in about a week"

Deidara rolled his eyes sighing deeply

"With all due respect leader, sir I don't think I'm in any condition to take a mission,un"

"It's a simple scouting mission, Deidara and you will be assigned a new partner"

Deidara felt his heart skip a beat at those two horrific words, _new partner_, he wasn't ready he couldn't do this yet. Tears began to stream silently from cerulean eyes, he felt pathetic crying in front of the leader like this, but as hard as he tried he couldn't stop himself.

Pein's rinngan eyes softened a little at the sight of the bomber breaking down like he was, sure the young blond was a pain in the ass, he was cocky and arrogant, but he wasn't made of stone. The ginger gently placed his hand on Deidara's shoulder, stroking it softly.

"I'm sorry it has to be so soon, Deidara, but for the sake of this organization I couldn't delay it any longer, I understand your pain, Sasori was a good friend of mine, but you need to move on with your life and live for him, he would have wanted that"

Pein moved, wrapping his arms protectively around the small blond, who had begun to shake violently, unable to hold back his cries. Pein understood in that moment why Sasori had loved Deidara so much, the beautiful teen could have melted even the coldest heart on the planet, there was just something about the young artist that made you want to protect and love him. He stroked the bombers long golden hair delicately whispering softly to him that it would all be okay, tear filled crystal blue eyes looked up locking with ringed orange orbs, Deidara took a shaky breath as he spoke so softly Pein almost couldn't hear him.

"Who will love me now, un? Who will love a pathetic _freak_ like me..."

Pein sighed deeply, almost brought to tears himself by the arsonists utterly depressing statement.

"Someone will love you Deidara, don't loose hope okay, I promised Sasori I would look after you if anything ever happened to him, so please, please be strong"

Deidara nodded his head weakly, picking himself up off of the floor and wiping his teary eyes.

"Thank you Pein, um...you were saying"

The redhead nodded, continuing the mission brief, after all it was why he had called the blond to his office in the first place, not to play counselor to a heartbroken bomber.

"As I was saying, Deidara you have been assigned a new partner for this mission, he was recently recruited and this will be, well a test, you are to train him before you leave, please try to work with him."

A sharp knock sounded on the hard wood of Pein's office door.

"Ah, there he is now, Come in please"

The door opened slowly to reveal the last person Deidara ever wanted to be partnered with...Tobi. The dumbass was now fully clad in Akatsuki attire, wiggling his new ring around enthusiastically, _Sasori's ring_. Deidara's eyes narrowed as the orange masked man entered the small office, standing to close for his comfort.

"Deidara". The artist snapped to attention at the sound of his name. "Tobi is going to be your new partner, please show him to your shared quarters, I will brief you on the mission details in three days, at which time you will prepare and depart, that is all you may leave"

Deidara snorted loudly, not at all happy he led the annoyance that was now his partner to his room, the room he and Sasori once shared, the room where the puppet master had first admitted his feelings, the room where they had their first kiss, and now, Tobi was here trying to erase all of those happy moments from the walls of that room, replacing all of its memories of Sasori, of their love. The bomber opened the door slowly, pointing to the now unoccupied side of the room and speaking to the new recruit coldly.

"That, dumbass is your side of the room, you have a dresser a bed and a work area, stay the fuck away from my side, and leave me alone, I'm going to be working, un"

Tobi bounced over to his side of the room enthusiastically, jumping on his bed like a little kid.

"Thanks, Deidara-Senpai! Tobi will leave you alone, Tobi is a good boy!"

Deidara rolled his eyes, taking off his cloak and draping it over the chair in front of his work bench, before taking out a small amount of clay and beinging to mold it, loosing all his thoughts and drowning himself in the healing power of art, he hated this. He hated that no one in this hell hole had any respect for him, for Sasori, sticking him with this masked nuisance after the puppet master hadn't even been gone that long.

He stiffened suddenly as he felt a hand on his shoulder, slipping down his back and caressing him softly, he turned to see the aforementioned dumbass standing over him, touching him.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing Tobi, un"

Tobi drew his hand back quickly, standing and twiddling his fingers nervously.

"Tobi is sorry Senpai, you just looked so pretty making your art, and Tobi...Tobi loves you Senpai, he always has that's why Tobi wanted to be Akatsuki, to be closer to Senpai"

Deidara felt his eyes narrow as rage consumed his form, without even thinking his hand flew out, sharply back handing his new partner in the face.

"Don't fucking say shit like that dumbass!, don't fuck with me, un!"

Tobi recoiled, clutching his mask as if Deidara's attack had actually hurt him, he sulked back to his side of the room in silence, the only thing that made his presence known to Deidara at all, the opening and closing of the bathroom door as the new Akatsuki member retreated to take a shower, saying nothing afraid that he would provoke another attack from the distraught blond.

Deidara continued to work on his sculpture, absorbing himself back into his work, when he heard the shower turn off, and yet again a hand was placed on his shoulder he turned enraged that the idiot would pull this shit, even after he had made it perfectly clear that his affection was unwanted.

"I thought I told you to..."

He stopped suddenly as his eyes fell upon Tobi's exposed face, the taller shinobi was completely naked, save for a towel draped loosely around his pale waist, his hair was short and messy, sticking damply to his boyish handsome face, his left eye was covered by a dark patch, a long thin scar that ran down to the middle of his cheek was visible from under the eye patch, and what took the cake his visible eye was swirling and blood red, _sharingan_.

"Told me to what, _Deidara_"

The blond artist froze, his body unmoving and unwilling to listen to his demands, he needed to run, he felt unsafe vulnerable, and weak as he starred unwillingly into that swirling crimson orb.

"You haven't been very nice to us, Deidara"

The bomber whimpered, as Tobi moved his hand to cup his chin, tracing the outline of his feminine jaw lightly, his other hand wandering, and touching him unwantedly everywhere, following the curves of his body. He tried to speak, but his voice just as his body, failed him.

"You don't need to speak Deidara, when you do it hurts our feelings. We've been watching you for a long time now, you're a beautiful man" he said as he grabbed the arsonist roughly by his hair, dragging him over to his bed, the bed that used to belong to Sasori, and throwing him down, the old mattress creaking loudly from the sudden contact.

"All we've ever wanted was to be close to you, we were always jealous of that puppet, keeping you all to himself, we're glad he's gone"

Deidara closed his eyes tightly as he felt the taller man climb on top of him, he could feel his pants being slipped from his hips, his shirt torn from his body, he felt pathetic, laying there completely exposed, unable to move while Tobi threw him around like a rag doll, a toy. He tried with all his might to fight back when suddenly lips were smashed against his.

"We love you so much, Deidara you will be ours"

He felt tears well up in his eyes as fingers were shoved roughly into his mouth, and his body responded sucking hungrily on the digits against his will, when it was over he braced himself, knowing full well what was coming next, finally finding his voice he cried out in protest as those fingers violated him, all three penetrating him painfully at once.

"Tobi...please...please stttop..."

The man on top of him smiled evilly, thrusting his fingers harder and harder into the small blond as he laughed low and manically.

"Tobi isn't here right now, darling...I am Madara"

Deidara screamed as suddenly the fingers inside him were replaced with something much bigger, he began to sob uncontrollably as Madara thrust in and out of him, tearing his insides, not even caring that he was in pain, how could he say that he loved him, how could he do this, Deidara was sure as hell he didn't deserve this. He couldn't even fight back as a hand reached out, grabbing ahold of his member and pumping it roughly, his hips bucking wildly into the sweet friction, the only thing escaping his lips between sobs, loud moans as Madara pounded ruthlessly into his prostate.

Madara couldn't erase the smile from his lips as he violated the artist, the moans, and sobs turning him on even more as the bomber struggled in a futile attemp to get away. It was beautiful, he moved claiming the smaller mans lips in a beastly kiss, pulling away as he felt sharp teeth pierce his lip, the blond looking up at him defiantly. He laughed low in his throat as he brushed long golden hair out of his way, exposing a pale and unmarred neck.

"I can bite too, _Senpai_" he said as without warning he bit down roughly on the creamy skin, relishing the shrill cry of pain that escaped his beloved senpai's lips and the string of sobbed pleas that followed.

Madara's thrusts became more erratic, as he felt the heat pooling in the pit of his stomach, he was close, and he knew the blond was as well, quickening his pace, and moving his hand harder across the bombers weeping erection, shuddering as he released, filling the artist with his seed.  
Deidara cursed his body as he came, covering Madara in his seed. The taller man leaned down, licking the stray cum from the bombers chest as he kissed him gently, the blond spitting in his face defiantly as he laughed again.

" We love you Deidara" At that he left, leaving his senpai bleeding, and broken on his former lovers bed.

Deidara cried out, as he shakily got up stumbling to the bathroom and turning on the shower, crawling weakly into the stream of hot water, washing himself as he sobbed uncontrollably. Even though the puppet master was dead, he felt like he had betrayed him. He collapsed, curling into a ball on the floor of the shower, hugging his knees to his chest tightly as he cried out an apology to the darkness.

"Danna...I'm sorry"


	2. My Sweetest Downfall

**Disclaimer:** I Do NOT own Naruto, I do NOT own Deidara, Sasori, or Tobi.

**Warning!: **This story contains YAOI/Shounen-Ai If that offends you don't read it.

**AN:** So I'm surprised at myself, I actually came up with the idea for this chapter really fast, anyways this is chapter 2 yay! this chapter will mostly be flashbacks and reflections about Sasori and Deidara's relationship(MAJOR FLUFF WARNING!). It was **randomly inspired by the song, Samson by Regina Spektor** I hope you all enjoy! and thank you so much to Black55Widow, TheCupcakeMonster, Ochineko, Slytherinxprincessx16, and Izumiko, for all of your wonderful reviews! Some of you got confused about Tobi referring to himself as "We" in this fic Tobi IS Madara, but he has multiple personalities, Tobi and Madara, Madara is aware of Tobi, but not vice versa. Sorry for the confusion

**Chapter 2-** My Sweetest Downfall

He cried as he scrubbed the smell of his assailant from his skin, wishing deep in his heart that Sasori had won that battle, that he had come back, like he promised he would, then again the older man had never been that great about keeping promises. Closing his eyes he though hard, remembering the last thing Sasori had said to him.

_"I love you Deidara, I'll be right here when you get back I promise"_

The bomber felt a tear slide down his cheek as he whispered to no one in particular

"You're a liar, un"

Deidara remembered the first time he had ever met Sasori, the day he had been forced into the Akatsuki. He had fallen victim to the sharingan that day too, at the hands of Itachi when he had refused to come quietly.

He remembered the way Sasori had laughed when they had gotten back to the base, and he swore his eternal vendetta against the sharingan, and the Uchiha clan. The redhead had simply laughed, and told him he was being a brat. He remembered how, when they had first been paired together that was all Sasori had called him, brat, it had pissed him off so badly he had decided to call Sasori Danna, his master. The puppet master had laughed at that too, simply scoffing at him and replying.

_"A stupid brat like you needs a master, maybe you'll learn some manners"_

Deidara had gotten so angry that his well thought out insulting nickname had been turned around on him by the scorpion in a split second, he had stormed out of the base and not talked to his partner for days. Looking back on it now, he was a brat.

They fought like that for the first few months of their partnership, always finiding new ways to pick at each other, to piss the other off. This was how they came to have their never ending argument about art.

He remembered when the arguments used to get out of hand, violently. He couldn't count how many poisons he had been subjected to, he couldn't even count the number of scars on his body that were from Sasori. He smiled to himself as he remembered a particular argument that had gotten out of hand, Deidara had been the one to push the topic a bit too far. They had been talking about art, and as usual, they just couldn't agree.

_"Brat, art is meant to be eternal, something that can be cherished and loved by people forever"_

_Deidara scoffed, snorting audibly_

_"How can you love or cherish ANYTHING, un, you aren't even human"_

That had definitely done it, Sasori snapped, stabbing him hard in the side with the sharp end of his cable,Deidara fell to the floor. Just before he left the room, the puppet master had stood over him whispering softly.

_"That wasn't very nice, Brat"_

Brown eyes grew cold looking down, straight into his cerulean eyes. Deidara would never forget the look he saw on Sasori's face that day, he looked sad there were even tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, when he began to cry he quickly retreated from their room, Deidara didn't see him for the rest of the day.

Looking back, that whole situation was what brought them together in the first place.

He had known for quite some time that he was in love with the puppet master, it made him feel stupid, he figured the older man, being that he wasn't human wouldn't give a damn, or would just stab him, or worse he would laugh. When he had seen the tears in his Danna's eyes, it had almost broken his heart.

He wanted to go out, and look for his partner, say he was sorry, that he had only acted like such an asshole to hide his real feelings, he wanted to tell Sasori that he loved him, more than art, more than anything. He knew if he went out and looked for him, it would only make the puppet master angry, so he stayed and he waited.

It was almost two in the morning when the redhead finally stepped through the door of their room, instantly going to his side of the room, taking off his cloak and slipping into his bed. Deidara gathered his courage, and slipped quietly from his bed, making his way over to the puppet master, sliding under his thick blankets and into his bed and before the older man could react, wrapping his arms around the redhead lovingly.

_"I'm sorry, Danna"_

Sasori didn't say a word, he just laid there trembling, and Deidara was no fool, he knew the older man was crying. He held onto the redhead, wrapping his arms tighter around his trembling form, taking a shaky breath almost brought to tears himself as he spoke the words he had wanted so desperately for so long to say to the puppet master.

_"Sasori, I ...I don't know how to say this but...fuck..."_He wiped the tears that had leaked onto his face away before he continued_ "I know I've been an asshole, I know all I do is argue with you, and I'm sorry...I've been lying to myself for so long...treating you badly to hide my feelings from myself...I guess what I'm trying to say is...I love you Danna"_

Deidara could feel Sasori's breath hitch in his chest, as his small form shuddered again and he turned to look at his younger partner with tear stained muddy eyes, not bothering to try and wiggle out of his tight embrace. he opened his mouth as if to speak, and Deidara waited, seconds passed and not a sound had passed the redheads lips, Deidara sighed.

_"Never mind, un"_

At that he let go of his beloved, and got up to return to his own bed, before he could get to his side of the room a hand reached out grabbing his wrist softly.

_"Don't go"_

Deidara turned and looked down at the man he loved with all his being, there were tears in his chocolate eyes, and the most painful expression the bomber had even seen was painted on his usually emotion void face, he sighed again slipping back between the thick blankets of Sasori's bed. Once he was fully in the bed, arms shot out to wrap around him, as Sasori pulled him close running his fingers in small circles over his back. Without warning lips were pressed against his in a heated kiss, which he returned hungrily. When they finally broke apart Sasori looked up at him, smiling, it was the first time Deidara had ever seen the older man smile. Gently, the puppet master had cupped his chin, running his fingers absent mindedly over the soft curves of Deidara's face and chin, he kissed his forehead like he was a doll, delicate and breakable, and he spoke the words Deidara had always wanted to hear.

_"I guess this means I love you too, Brat"_

Deidara hugged his knees closer, he had been laying naked in the shower for a few hours now, he just couldn't will himself to get up, what was the point?  
Sasori was gone, he was gone, and Tobi...Tobi had fucking raped him, that masked dumbass didn't love him, no one would ever love him again. He was a useless piece of shit, broken and dirty, no one loved dirty whores. He had scrubbed his pale skin raw, and still he felt dirty, he had betrayed him, betrayed the only person who would ever love him.

How could he do this to Sasori, even if he was gone, he would never forgive him, _never_.

Pulling himself from the shower, he lifelessly went through his normal after shower routine, brushing his long hair into a low loose ponytail, drying off, brushing his teeth, and finally, putting on his pajama pants.

He climbed slowly into his bed, wrapping himself protectively in the thick comforter that once belonged to his lover, inhaling the lingering scent of cedar and orange flowers that clung to the fabric, the smell of Sasori. Closing his eyes, he cried himself into a dreamless sleep.

He hoped he never had to see Tobi again.


	3. I Can't Even Save Myself

**Disclaimer:** I Do NOT own Naruto, I do NOT own Deidara, Sasori, or Tobi.

**Warning!: **This story contains YAOI/Shounen-Ai If that offends you don't read it.

**AN: **So yeah, I keep getting good ideas for this one, I think it's cause' its new, therefore fresh in my mind. Anyways, thank you so much again top everyone who reviewed! I love you all so much! it keeps me going when people say such nice things. I'm trying my best to update as much as I can before I leave for Collage...WOOOT! Art School!! **This chapter was inspired by the song "Save yourself" by Stabbing Westward**(You should all look up the songs I mention and listen while you read it gives you a better sense of the feeling I think, so this one and Samson by Regina Spektor )

_Searching for an angel  
Someone who can make you whole  
I cannot save you_

**Chapter 3-** I Can't even save myself

Deidara blinked his beautiful cerulean eyes slowly, squinting as the harsh light of the day flooded his vision. He sat up slowly, rubbing the rest of the sleep from his eyes and stretching arms above his head, feeling the stiff joints crack some of the dull ache dissipating. He got up stretching his legs as he walked to the small bathroom brushing out his hair in the mirror before getting dressed and heading out the door, making his way to the kitchen. He wasn't really hungry, this had all just become an empty routine for him, getting up, making sure he was presentable, and forcing himself to eat. He didn't even feel human these days, he felt like a machine lifelessly doing the things he was programed to do. Sometimes he would wonder, if this was how Sasori always felt, that maybe spending so much time with someone who wasn't human had done something to his perception of reality. When he had thought about it he decided, if he was becoming a machine it was his own fault, not Sasori's maybe it was just his way of coping with a reality he hated.

He reached the kitchen quietly, not saying a word to his fellow Akatsuki members who were sitting around the large kitchen table all eating and talking amongst themselves. Walking over,and grabbing his mug, Deidara poured himself a large cup of coffee, adding a small amount of cream and sugar before taking a seat at the table,and drinking his breakfast in silence. Kisame stared intently at the clay artist, worry evident on his shark like features, it was nice to see the blond up and about for once, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with the young man. He tapped the blond gently on the shoulder, azure eyes snapped to attention at the sudden contact.

"Hm?" was the only sound the shark man got out of the artist.

"Um...Sorry Deidara, I just wanted to know how you're doing, you okay"

"Un." it looked as though the bomber wasn't up to talk today, so Kisame dropped it returning to his breakfast, still he wished the younger man would acctually eat something, it seemed as though the artist was dead set on replacing all of his normal meals, with coffee.

The blond said nothing as he finished his coffee, got up from the table, rinsed his cup and walked away. Kisame sighed, nothing he could do would ever get through to the younger man he was just too damn stubborn for his own good.

Deidara rubbed his temples in frustration as he made his way down the hall to he and now Tobi's room to get his supplies, after all he was supposed to train the masked dumb ass today, and he couldn't do that without his clay. He grabbed his clay quickly, picking up a few discarded kunai as well, before heading back into the common area to find the idiot.

When the blond entered the common room he found Tobi, sitting casually on the couch as if he had been waiting for him. the bomber avoided eye contact at all costs with the brunette the last time he had made that mistake, he sure as hell had regretted it.

"Get your ass off of the couch dumb ass, we need to go train, un"

Tobi shot up in an instant, obviously overly excited.

"Okay Senpai! lets go!"

Deidara rolled his eyes, letting Tobi go out of the door in front of him, he didn't trust the idiot at all, there was something evil and sinister that resided within the bouncy masked man and the blond didn't want to encounter it, ever again not if he could help it. They made their way to the training grounds in silence, the only sounds in earshot the rustling of clothing and the soft chirping of birds.

They reached the training grounds, the silence undisturbed for the whole short walk. Deidara came to an abrupt stop as he reached the center of the grounds, sticking his hands roughly down into his clay pouches. The mouths greedily munching on the wet earthy substance,as he prepared his attack. He gently shaped the hunks of un-molded clay into two small birds, launching them at Tobi without any warning. One of the sculptures, detonating not two feet from one of the idiots feet. Tobi jumped quickly out of the way, barely avoiding the small, yet devastating explosion.

Deidara froze as he suddenly lost sight of the masked man, he had been directly in his line of vision and in less then a second had disappeared, the bomber kept his guard up, wary of the other mans true intentions. His body stiffened as his worst fears came to life, arms wrapped around him without warning, making it hard for him to breathe in their vise like grip as they drug him away, kicking and screaming.

"Put me down you motherfucker, un!"

He screamed at the masked man, knowing full well it was no longer just Tobi he was dealing with, it was Madara, whoever the hell that was supposed to be. Deidara really didn't know if this was all just an act, or if Tobi was just insane, the later seemed more plausible then anything considering the Akatsuki was made up of nothing BUT psychos. Then again, he didn't know a lot of things, one thing he knew for sure was he was not going to let this happen again, not without a fight, he would be strong, he wouldn't let himself be used by this fucker, he would save himself, no one else was going to. Thrashing violently, he kicked the brunette in the side sharply, feeling the man recoil at the sudden contact, but the arms wrapped around him didn't falter in their grip, they held on, taking him away, deep into the forest just outside the training grounds.

Tears began to stream freely from his stormy eyes as he was carried away, away to be used, be broken and left there, like a toy that had been outgrown, tossed away, _useless_.  
No one needed him, he was of no value to anyone or anything, now that Sasori was gone, no one cared.

He opened his teary eyes slowly as he was roughly slammed against what felt like a tree, checking his surroundings he was right. The masked man loomed over him menacingly, his sharingan eye visible through the single eye-hole in his mask, he was removing his cloak slowly, a kunai clutched in one of his gloved hands. Gingerly he closed the distance between them, slamming Deidara roughly against the tree as he claimed the blonds lips in a ferocious kiss, pinning the smaller mans hands above his head. Deidara cried out in pain as without any warning the kunai was thrust through his palms, the mouths in his hands snapping wildly as they were practically drowned in their own blood. Violently the front of his cloak was ripped open, his clay pouches tossed to the side, and a hand was placed delicately on his face.

"I'm sorry, Deidara you're just too irresistible, you've been avoiding us lately, we just need to feel you again"

Deidara struggled violently against the kunai, feeling the wounds in his hands worsen as he ripped them open more and more, he began to kick and thrash as he felt thumbs sneak under the waistband of his pants, a fist roughly connected with his side, causing him to go limp, and stop struggling.

"This would feel better for you if you didn't resist it so much love"

He shivered as the brunette whispered seductively in his ear, nipping and licking at it gently as his body convulsed. Deidara felt a hand snaking its way down his thigh, under his boxers, as both his pants and what lay under them were pulled down to reveal his manhood. He shivered slightly as the cool air, bushed over his erection, his body betraying him all over again. He gasped as a finger was roughly shoved inside of him, biting his lips to stifle the screams of agony and defeat that were trying to escape him, he could at least not give Madara that satisfaction. A low moan escaped him as his exposed member was suddenly engulfed in a warm wet heat, he opened his eyes and looked down to see Madara between his legs, taking his sweet time preparing him, all the while sucking almost agonizingly slowly on his member. Deidara whined a little as the wonderful heat disappeared from between his legs and something much larger then a finger was pressed against his entrance.

"Please...no..."

He cried in protest as Madara entered him slowly, he had learned a little from their last encounter, and was taking his time to avoid hurting the smaller man as he had before, after all he wanted the blond to love him, not fear him. He had to hold himself back as he felt the warmth and tightness of Deidara around him, it felt so damn good he just wanted to pound into that heat until l he was raw, tear him to shreds, take him hard, and watch him squirm and cry, begging him to stop. The thoughts of such beauty pushed him over the edge and he snapped, his slow loving pace becoming erratic and violent.

Deidara didn't disappoint him, screaming in agony as Madara thrust into him harder, and deeper, his legs trembling barely able to support his weight. Madara then grabbed the clay artists long lean legs, hooking them under his arms and holding the smaller man up, as he thrust into him harder, grazing that special spot deep within the bomber and making him cry out in pleasure.

"AH...ah...Sa...so...ri...Danna!"

Madara felt his face fall when he heard the bombers cries, his heart sank, here he was trying to get Deidara to love him and he was still thinking about that dead puppet, sharply without even thinking he slapped the smaller man across the face, his smile growing as the artist began to cry again, begging him to stop, yes that was what he had wanted. He kept up his pace, fucking the blond hard and mercilessly, grabbing ahold of the bombers neglected cock, he began to pump him in time, earning many cries of protest and pleasure from the ex- Iwa ninja.

Deidara cursed his body all over again as he came hard, hitting Madara in the chin and coating both of their chests in the sticky white substance. Madara laughed low in his throat, as he soon followed filling the blond to the brim with his seed, and wiping the small amount of cum from his chin, licking his fingers tantalizingly.

"You were simply delicious my dear, we enjoyed you verry much, well ta ta untill next time.._.Senpai_" with one last forced kiss, Madara pulled the kunai from Deidara's palms letting him slide down the tree to the ground as he walked away leaving him there again, even more broken then before.

Deidara broke down as he hit the ground, no longer cursing anyone but himself, he was weak pathetic, and stupid...so stupid...he blamed himself for Sasori's death, saying he could have saved him, now he realized he was wrong...how could he save anyone, he couldn't even save himself.

He was a fool to think otherwise.

_An: Sorry if the smex in this isn't as good as it could be, I'm having a hard time writting rape that isn't SasoDei...which always turns from "NO!" to "NO dont stop, un!" this is just flat out hell no i don't want this rape..._


	4. Remember I will always love you

**Disclaimer:** I Do NOT own Naruto, I do NOT own Deidara, Sasori, or Tobi.

**Warning!: **This story contains YAOI/Shounen-Ai If that offends you don't read it.

**AN:**So yeah, Tiki-sama (My Tobi-kins) still hasn't read this...like at all! dammit Tobi! I worked so hard on this shit! and its all for you! bitch, un. Lol anyways here's chapter 4 for all you other lovely ladies (and possibly boys) Sorry about the delay, collage is a bitch, and the fact that my Tobi hasn't read this, didn't motivate me much. Thank you so much to all you beautiful people, for your lovely reviews!.**(The song that inspired this chapter is Lullaby by Regina Spektor Go listen to it dammit! The title of the chapter comes from the Tool song 'Pushit')**

Chapter-4

Remember I will always love you

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Deidara shakily pulled his tattered clothing back on, slowly pushing himself to his feet he hadn't stopped crying since Madara had left him here, that seemed to be hours ago, as it was beginning to get dark, he decided it would be best if he made his way inside. All he could think about was the cleansing warmth of a shower, and the comforting scent of the thick blanket that once belonged to the only man he had ever loved.

Luckily there was no one up and about inside the base, so his journey to the bathroom was uninterrupted, the last thing he wanted at the moment was human contact, all those judgmental eyes searing their way into his torn and abused flesh, knowing they were all thinking the same thing, thinking that he was a whore, thinking how could he do something like this, with Sasori only dead a little over two weeks?

Finally he reached his destination, throwing his torn and stained clothing into the trash can by the door, before making his way over to the shower, turning it as hot as it could go, and stepping into the scalding stream of water.

Tears mixed in silence with the heavy stream, the salty trails washed away by the cleansing power of the water, it washed it all away, no traces of filth left on the pale skin. The only thing left to remind him of his encounter with Madara, the scars he would surely have when the wounds healed, the everlasting aftertaste of his disgrace, of his betrayal.

Feeling the scalding water sear into his flesh, he didn't have to think about anything else, all the pain in his aching body dulled by the healing heat. Once he was done, he stepped out carefully, wrapping himself in a towel, and drying as quickly as he could, his pale skin red and puffy from the intense heat of the water, he didn't care, all he cared about was crawling into bed, and ceasing to exist for a few precious hours.

He made his way into his room quickly, turning to see Tobi already curled up, deep in the land of dreams. He sighed thanking god he had decided to take that shower, how could that asshole sleep so peacefully, knowing what he had done to his partner only hours before?

Crawling silently into his bed and wrapping Sasori's old blanket around himself tightly, like a barrier that would protect him from every evil of the world, he drifted restlessly off to sleep.

His dreams were much kinder then reality would ever be.

Because Sasori was always there, just like he promised.

All the pains of this reality were irrelevant in his perfect world, even if it was all a dream, it was all he had, and he cherished every moment of it.

_"Deidara"_

_He looked around the empty dark space, hearing a familiar voice calling him in the darkness._

_"Danna?"_

_He began to grow panicked, this was a trick, it had to be._

_"Dei"_

_Suddenly a spot of light came from nowhere, and shone down on a single spot in the otherwise blackened area, standing in its center, was Sasori._

_Deidara froze, this wasn't real, Sasori was gone, dead, he was never coming back, never. This had to be some sort of cruel joke._

_The figure approached him slowly, the light illuminating him followed him like a spotlight, there was no mistaking that firey red hair, those shining brown eyes and that deep alluring voice, this was Sasori, but how?_

_Cupping his chin gently, Sasori stood on his tiptoes, kissing Deidara on the lips softly, tears began to stream from crystal eyes, and muddy eyes grew softer, wiping the tears away, arms wrapped around the trembling form and the soft voice whispered comforting words into his ear._

_Breathing calmed to a slow pace, and the tears dried themselves in no time, being held by his Danna like this had always calmed him down._

_"Deidara"_

_At the sound of his name he looked up to meet the gaze of his beloved puppet._

_A soft kiss on the lips, and Sasori smiled, letting go of Deidara and walking away, back into the void of darkness._

_Deidara's eyes widened in horror, he couldn't loose Sasori, not again._

_"Don't go, un!"_

_The figure turned smiling softly at him._

_"Goodbye doesn't mean forever, brat, we'll meet again be patient, I will always love you"_

---

The harsh light of morning made its way through the cracked window, stinging his eyes as he slowly blinked the sleep from them, his cheeks felt hot and sticky, wiping his hands across his face he realized he had been crying. Sitting up and looking around at his surroundings he found himself in his bed, in his room, last night had been just a dream after all, but somehow, he felt better, he felt....stronger.

Maybe seeing Sasori in his dreams had helped him finally accept the puppet masters death, maybe Sasori was telling the truth this time, and they would meet again.

No, they would, in the next world, he had no doubts about that.

He rose from his bed and headed towards the kitchen, for the first time in weeks, he found himself starving.

Today was the day, everything would change.

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Sorry for the short chapter, its mostly filler, and I really didn't have time to do much else, the next chapter should be up on monday I promise! also look forward to updates on Pleasure to burn, and Sanctified!

Love ya,  
Brat


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